Kingdom Vesperia
by Family Vesperidae
Summary: Spoilers! Brave Vesperia gets more than it bargained for when two foolish girls wind up hiring them...to catch bugs. Chaos ensues.


Disclaimer: _Tales of Vesperia and all of its affiliates are property of Bandai-Namco._

_ Yo! We don't really know what to say. This is crack in word form. Enjoy, or not, we get enough lols writing it that it does not really matter. XD comments are always nice, though! _

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**Kingdom Vesperia**

**Chapter One: **

**_Oops_  
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"Ugh, I got water in my boot again," complained the blonde girl, stepping out of the stream and dropping her net to the ground. "I swear, it's too cold for this."

"I could take over for a bit if you want," offered the brunette girl, glancing up momentarily from her job of sorting through her own net as she did so.

"Thanks Twig, but then I'd have to put up with spiders. Ugh, disgusting creatures." Walking over to her friend, the blonde, Rydia, grabbed the third net they had between them. "I think I'll hunt some Leps."

"Go for it."

Rydia just chuckled as she set out to try and find some of the larger flying insects. Trust Twig to not even look up from her work.

Walking further off of the trail, the blonde girl kept her green eyes trained on the foliage for any sign of movement. After a few minutes, Rydia's bright eye widened and she took off.

"I'll get you, Odonata!" Streaking after the dragonfly, she waved the net about in an effort to catch it. "Come back here!" The stupid things were too agile. Catching one in midair was like trying to catch smoke on the breeze.

Yet Rydia's stubbornness would not allow her to give up.

"I'll get it for ya, Twig!"

"Hm? Oh, a dragonfly?"

"Yeah!" she replied, not stopping her pursuit. Instead her eyes stayed glued to the insect, tracking it carefully. After a moment, Rydia pounced, net swinging frantically. With a loud squawk, she tripped over a stone and staggered forward.

"Grr, I'll get you! I will!" Whirling, Rydia took off after the creature as it zipped the other way.

"Ack!"

"Sorry, Twig!" she yelled after her, carefully hopping aside just a moment before she crashed into her friend.

"It's okay!" the brunette called after her, standing up and trotting after Rydia even as she spoke. "I've got a jar!"

"Good!" She was barely paying attention, however, instead she was far too intent on stalking the dragonfly that was currently fanning itself on an old log.

"I gotcha!" she yelled, lunging forward. With a sharp cry, her foot got caught on a root, and she flew forward.

"R- Rydia!"

The expected impact of her face meeting the log never came, however. Instead, she was suddenly falling through the air, eyes wide in horror. She could also feel Twig gripping her foot, yet her main focus was set on where the hell she was going. And where the hell she was going to land.

Rydia grunted sharply when she was jolted to a halt by what seemed to be a...branch. Groaning, the blonde sat up and looked around. She was relieved to see Twig sprawled over a branch next to her. And breathing. That was usually a good sign.

Yet she had to wonder why she was in a tree. One moment she had been lunging at a drago—"Dammit! I missed!" she snarled, checking the net still in her hand.

"Is now really the time for that?"

Glancing over at Twig, Rydia shrugged. "I don't like things getting away."

"True, but right now I'd like to know where we are."

Glancing around, Rydia rolled her eyes and sighed. "Halure's Tree."

Looking around, Twig quirked one eyebrow and shook her head. "No, Rydia, that's a game," she muttered, reaching over to pat the blonde on the head.

Rydia huffed and crossed her arms. "Well, apparently we jut fell through a rotten log, so why not?"

"True...but it's still just a game."

"Then do _you_ have any idea where we are?"

"Um...a big tree?"

Rydia sighed and thumped her forehead into her palm. "Thank you for that delightful and informative insight."

"You're welcome."

"A-ah, Twig! A spider! A spider!" Whimpering softly, the blonde scurried back further on the branch and carelessly shoved her friend forward at the same time. With a yelp, the brunette tumbled off of the branch and knocked the large spider free of its web on her way down. When Twig hit the ground with a sharp grunt, she squashed the arachnid beneath her slender form, bringing a bright smile to Rydia's face.

"You got it! Yay!"

_Rydia learned "Spider Slam"_

"Y-yay!" stammered Twig in response, sitting up slowly and rubbing her head. "I did it..."

Still pleased, Rydia began scooting off down the branch intending to rejoin her friend. About ten feet from the ground, she slipped and fell the rest of the way, landing squarely on the still-seated form of her friend.

"Ack, sorry Twig!"

"I-it's okay, but can you please get off?"

Rolling quickly free of her friend, the blonde hopped to her feet and gazed around, aqua eyes growing wider the more she looked around. "This place looks familiar..."

Getting up, Twig began looking around, her own eyes growing wider by the moment. "I...I think maybe you weren't lying..."

Rydia was not listening, however. Instead she was standing, frozen in place, gazing at a palomino gelding grazing not ten feet away.

"T-Twig...why is my horse here?"

"I-I don't know."

"Wait...did you say we're actually in Halure?! There's no way. No. Way. I was only kidding!" Pointedly not looking around, the blonde stalked over to where the gelding was grazing and reached to pat his shoulder.

"Dorkus von Giggenstein, is that you?" Her answer came swiftly in the form of a warm knicker, and a nudge to the shoulder. "We must be in his pasture then. Sure, it's at least twenty kilometres from where we're supposed to be...but that's gotta be it."

The slender brunette furrowed her brow and ran her hand through her hair, shaking her head. "Th-That doesn't make any sense! Where's the barn?! And the arena?! And I'm pretty damn sure that there wasn't a giant tree in the middle of the pasture..." Her voice became steadily more frantic as she took all of these inconsistencies into account.

A slight frown crossed Rydia's features; all of this was quite true. "Well, where the heck are we, then?" she muttered, idly patting her horse on the neck.

Sighing in slight frustration, Twig began to amble away, towards the town. "I'll go ask someone..." Surely someone was aware of their current location.

"Dorkus, come on!" the blonde said, leading the palomino away from the tree to follow her friend.

Needless to say, they weren't in Kansas anymore—the townspeople's clothing was evidence enough—and this did not make things easy for the two students. It was one thing to approach a stranger on the street in your hometown, but to approach someone in a place you did not know had the possibility of turning out catastrophic.

"Twig! Time to be a groom, again!" Rydia declared, directing the mount toward her now silent friend, who squeaked as Dorkus tried to chew on her sweater.

"Hey, are we in Halure?" the blonde inquired to a random passerby, not giving the poor man enough time to respond as she continued ranting, "I think we are, but we can't be 'cause that'd be crazy! I-I'm not crazy, am I?" Said passerby quickly vacated the premises at that final question, which was to no surprise.

Twig heaved another sigh and walked toward her friend, shaking her head and patting Rydia on the shoulder as she gestured for the blonde to take the horse. "You _are_ crazy, Rydia."

Once the pony was safely in the hands of his owner, the slender bug-catcher approached another stranger and began to converse with him, and from the shock on her face, Rydia could guess just what the answer was. Looking a bit lost, Twig returned, not entirely sure on what to say.

"We're in Halure, aren't we?"

"Um, y-yeah..."

The two befuddled females lingered awkwardly for a moment, and remained silent as they thought. Dorkus impatiently pawed the ground after a while, which brought the two out of their silence long enough to try and figure something out.

"So..." the blonde began, hushing her horse as he once again pawed at the ground.

"To... the inn?" came Twig's tentative and uncertain reply.

"We don't have any gald..."

"I have a loony!"

Rydia put the palm of her hand to her face and shook her head. This was definitely not a good start to an adventure it Terca Lumireis. "First things, first: we need money."

"S-So what? We go fight some monsters?" Twig scoffed, waving her hand dismissively at the idea, but upon seeing the smirk on her friend's face, her expression quickly changed to that of apprehension.

"I wanna go poke stuff!" Rydia suddenly exclaimed, grabbing her friend by the wrist as she dragged her to the exit of the town. Unfortunately, the rope bridge along the way wasn't easily traversed; Dorkus was having none of it.

"Come...on... you big dork, _move_!" the blonde growled, tugging with all her strength. Eventually, after covering the horse's eyes, the trio was able to cross the bridge.

"Well, that was endeavour..." Twig muttered as they passed through the barrier, watching as her friend mounted the gelding with practiced ease. "M-Man, I forgot how many monsters were out here..." It was only then did she realise that she did not have a suitable weapon, and it was far too late. Dorkus was currently galloping up to a Treant and Rydia did not look like she was going to be turning him back.

"**Charge**!" came her war cry, blonde hair streaming behind her from the horse's momentum. It did not occur to her as it had occurred to her companion that she was going into a battle with a horse and a few alcohol vials. A very cowardly horse.

With a sharp squeal, the gelding whirled on his hind legs, spun in the other direction, and bolted as fast as he could.

"Be right baaaaack!" Rydia shrieked as she streaked by a very bemused looking Twig. "Don't die on me!" She was not given time to notice more about her friend, however, as fighting not to fall off of her mount took priority.

"Whoa boy, easy Mate," she muttered, trying to soothe the frantic horse. "Damn I wish I had proper tack..." Patting the gelding on the neck and talking quietly, she finally slowed the horse to a walk, and, finally, a halt. Thinking fast, she remembered that her coat pocket always contained peppermints. Dropping several into the canopy of the net, she held it in front of the horse and steered him back toward Twig.

"Go Mate, go," she muttered, heeling the horse back into a gallop; this time toward the enemy.

"I'm comin', Twig!" Rydia cried once she was back within earshot. Thankfully, the sweet candy provided enough incentive for the gelding to charge straight at the monster, heedless of his former terror. Unfortunately, Twig had dropped into the foetal position and did not seem in any shape to respond, which caused Rydia to frown. She had so hoped Twig would have calmed the monster, since they were of a like kind.

She was not given long to contemplate, however, as, with a sharp squeal, the palomino slide to a stop. It seemed Dorkus had realised that he was galloping toward a gigantic, moving tree. A malicious one.

Still, this did not deter Rydia from reaching out with the net and smacking the creature across its...foliage?—she was not sure. Whatever it was that she had hit, clearly the Treant did not approve.

At least, the loud groaning indicated as much. The loud noise further proceeded to spook Dorkus, who reared and tried to spin away, only to realise the net containing his delicious sweets had gotten caught in the creature's branches. With an enraged whistle, he turned and slammed himself into the monster, eliciting a surprised gasp from Rydia, who had not anticipated her horse's sudden bout of courage.

"Let's just walk away and pretend we saw nothing."

"Yuri! We cannot do that! Clearly they are in need of our assistance, so we should offer it."

"Uh, yeah we can...and we should."

The sound of strange—yet familiar—voices drew Rydia's attention. Turning, her eyes grew wide when she realised that the entirety of Brave Vesperia was standing off to the side, seemingly in shock. In retrospect, she figured the scene would seem somewhat odd to anyone looking in. She, sitting on a pony that could not decide whether he wanted to trample the Treant, or run from it, herself, stuck to the Treant via the net's canopy, and Twig, off to one side running in circles, holding her head, and screaming. Yes. It had to look _completely_ natural.

Only not at all.

"Yeah, well, your face!" she snapped to who she assumed was Yuri.

"Oh no, _your_ face!"

"Your mom!"

"_Your_ mom!"

Scoffing, Rydia rolled her eyes. "We can do this all day, _Yuri Lowell_, or you could help us!"

"What the...are you a stalker?"

"Yes. That's it exactly. I follow you around all day, and watch you while you sleep."

"...we're leaving."

"Fine! We didn't need your help anyway!" Rydia huffed, rolling her eyes. Much to the blonde's dismay, however, Twig saw things in a different light.

"W-wait!" the brunette cried. "We can't fight it! You have to help us!"

"Shut up, Twig! We can do it ourselves!" Rydia snapped, turning back to face the suspiciously-quiet Treant. The creature had wilted, its bark already turning a husky grey colour.

"Don't worry, Repede got it for you!"

Much to Rydia's chagrin, it was the pink princess: Estellise Sidos Heurassein. Rolling her eyes, the stubborn blonde huffed and folded her arms. She was about to comment, only her actions had led to the net ending up on the ground. With an excited whiny, the gelding assaulted the mesh canopy, searching for delicious peppermints. With a yelp, Rydia was forced to grab the horse's mane to keep from falling to the ground.

"Dammit, Dorkus! Don't do that!"

"M-my net!" Twig cried, dashing forward to fall to her knees by the bug-catching object. "Let go of it, Dorkus!"

Ignoring her brunette friend's actions, Rydia cast a critical eye over the guild gathered before her. It seemed the majority of the group was choosing to pretend they did not see anything, whereas only Flynn, Yuri, Rita, and Estelle were paying them any real mind. Even Repede was only scratching idly at his ear, not far from where he had dispatched the Treant.

At the sound of Flynn clearing his throat, Rydia turned to him with a sigh. "Yes, _Commandant_?"

"I knew it! You _are_ a stalker."

"Shut up, Yuri!" The black-haired swordsman was forced to duck as a stream of fireballs went sailing toward his head.

"Dammit, Rita! Are you trying to kill me?" Yuri demanded once the danger had passed.

"No, just fry your brains," the auburn-haired girl replied, flipping him off. "If you have any, that is."

"Shut up, all of you!" Rydia snapped, barely sparing a glance for the crying Twig at her horse's hooves.

Silence fell as every eye turned to her. After a moment, Yuri frowned and stepped forward. Before he could speak, however, Flynn burst in, "I'm glad you two are safe."

"Ah-ha, I got it!" Suddenly the tears dried up and Twig emerged, raising her now-safe net triumphantly and shooting the pony, who snorted and tossed his head, a dark glare as she did so.

"Yeah, me too," Rydia replied. "But in the future do _not_ forget my horse, so that would be you _three_."

"Uh, my apologies."

"Rydia, stop your horse!"

Realising that Dorkus was still trying to acquire the peppermints in the net, the blonde rolled her eyes and sighed. "Just take out the peppermints and give them to him, then."

"Oh yeah..."

"They're insane. Completely, totally _mad_."

"Yuri, that's not very nice. Apologise."

"I'll apologise when that creature of hers learns to fly."

With a huff, Rydia snatched the net from Twig's grasp and plunked the canopy down over Yuri's head. "His name is Dorkus, Dorkus von Giggenstein. You'd do well to remember that."

"I doubt anyone could forget _that_," Yuri grumbled, extracting the net from his head.

"Good, see that you don't."

Twig sighed. "I think you missed the joke, Rydia..."

"Huh? What joke?"

"You're special, Rydia..."

"Yay!"

"Can we go yet? They're safe."

"What? You'd leave two helpless young women like us alone in the wild?" Turning on the charm, Rydia pulled out her best pout. "How cruel."

Twig sighed at the shock suddenly crossing several faces amongst the group. "Uh, yeah, sorry. She's a tad bipolar...

"But really, you've seen that we're completely helpless on our own."

"Of course, Miss...?"

"Twig."

"Of course, Ms. Twig."

"Wait. _Twig_? What the hell is wrong with you two?" Yuri demanded. "Do you think you're a branch?"

"No, I'm a Twig. There's a difference, Dear."

"You're still made of wood," Yuri pointed out.

"Like her heart!" Rydia chimed in, thinking she was clever.

"H-hey! Are you saying my love is splinter-y?"

"Uh...you know me, Twig. I just blurt out the first thing that comes to mind."

In the background, Yuri was snickering.

"Uh...well, how about we escort you two to town," the blond volunteered, hesitantly.

"No. We were already there. It was boring."

"Rydia!" Turning hurriedly to Flynn, Twig sent the blond an apologetic look. "Ignore her, we'd appreciate that. We're just going to get ourselves killed out here."

"Then why did you leave the barriers in the first place?"

"Because, Yuri, we needed money. Unless you know a place that takes loonies. One loony, even."

"The hell's a loony? A crazy person? You wanna sell off her?" he asked, pointing to Rydia. "Because I do know a place. It's called an asylum."

"Hahah, very funny," Rydia muttered dryly.

Before the argument could get anymore absurd, Twig cut in. "Well, let's set off, then."

"But Twig..."

"Enough, let's go."

Thus did the group of twelve set off to return for Halure.

"You could walk, you know."

"Shut up. You could try to look like a man."

"You could try to look like a man!"

"I'm a woman!"

"You seem more like a girl to me."

"With these boobs?"

"Shut up, both of you!" Rita shrieked.

"Well, this is going to be interesting...nano ja."


End file.
